Relationship Advice

I won't be discouraged by the things that have caused me some types of trouble in my life. Now there are plenty of reasons to be in relationships, as well as reasons why a person may decide to end a current relationship. There are those who appear not to take relationships not very seriously, and despite me not agreeing with that crowd, I realize that ultimately you cannot control the other person. Marriage has surely been a lesson in the school of life, and it is a serious and substantial part of not only my life but as well as plenty of other people's.

Sacraficing my own sense of shame seems to be the only choice sometimes, because marriage is not easy. The times that it is good make it all the better, but it is work.

Money

As I read my last post I think that anyone reading it may believe that I only value money in life. Maybe further explanation is needed because upon working backwards from what I have previously stated, I do believe certain things and have opionions of my own. I do belive that other people are the ones judging man because of material posessions and find it hard to see to eye to eye with my fellow man.

Maybe judging me because I have an attitude and often carry a shitty attitude is easy. But for the most part, you as a judge are right! Cool right? Sitting in front of countless psychiatrists only to lie and show them nothing more that some general confusion, the lies about the things that take place in my head are strictly my business. Only now do I get to say that there are things that I have hidden from reality that everyone else sees only for my own "benefit." It is laughable. I am financially burdened among other "setbacks" and could hardly provide reasons as to my little life that is in desperate need of so much defense. It is sad that the world wants everyting from me, yet attempting to pry into the depths of my brain with doctors and other various forms of trickery only do nothing more than push me back further. Bottom line is I am entitled to information privacy, especially in the areas of medicine. Certain things are just never going to be rationalized or understood because whathas gone down on paper is partially true at best.

Disoriented

There are too many truths in this world. Whether they are created and made true by people, or they are universal, they are truths. Sometimes I feel as humans we are following a higher purpose or looking for something beyond the normal realm or the five senses. I don't believe many people would disagree with me. I wish that we could all agree on truths together, but somehow I believe that is a pradox.

The Force

There is an impenetrable life force behind all of us that despite the urges from our parents, society, governments, etc.; to herd us like a flock with sheep, albeit with good intentions oftentimes, sometimes for whatever reason humans resist. The urge is something that seems to be beneath any intelligence and is raw, primal.

Things are looking up

I pray to God for some sanity. Its not that the confusion with my situation has driven me over the edge and quite literally insane, its everything that makes up that confusion. If it would all just go away that would be ideal. Suicide is not an answer because getting rid of all of those problems would in essence be doing away with myself. These problems are seemingly unavoidable, yet somehow they seem to often bring upon events that nobody would ever want to deal with, especially by choice.

Now if I did in fact have a choice there would be no need to experience what is happening. Some of the the things which have happened to me occured at such a young age that I am indeed no way responsible. The consequences are a series of different, but ultimately related things that I have to deal with. Now if at some point they cease to exist and I live free, I will truly be grateful.

Until next time...

Acceptance

It is still hard to let go some of the things which still cause me pain. Even more disturbing is the fear that I sometimes feel and how getting rid of it is something that will never actually happen in full. Understanding the fear and accepting it as a part of my life has been one challenging and seemingly never ending task.