I seriously feel like I have been
brainwashed. The drug use, abuse, condemnation, and everything else
that I have dealt with is leaving me feeling once again hopeless and
looking for something that is getting to be impossible to find. Now
there are many people who may or may not have experienced the same
things as I, but what is likely to happen always seems to be some
terrible tragedy that I have absolutely no control over. In the event
of one of these situations that I have, or may find myself in, there
will be even more reasons to doubt my present status.
I can only assume that the only way to
describe this in layman’s term as if a person were taking a test
where every answer is the right answer. The test would be pointless
to almost any logical, clear thinking person. Upon this revelation,
one can only see that the world is filled with more people who are at
the opposite end of the spectrum. This is a scary thought and even
more disturbing then the very situation that I am finding myself in.
Given the amount of time, energy,
obsession, and whatever other chunk of mind which has been expended
in figuring out this mess only to find myself just as, or more
confused, then the beginning has now created a substantial amount of
fear in my life. This fear which is now present has little to do with
what is considered the real important things in my life, yet somehow
I do believe that it has everything to do with those things. I
realize that no one single person is going to give me answer that is
going to be satisfying. Yet I do realize that when any significant
knowledge is passed to me, it seems to do nothing but be a source for
more debate and controversy.
No comments:
Post a Comment